my infinite mixtape

"to love means this: to run into the depths of a yard and, till..."

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:11:05 -0500

“to love
means this:
to run
into the depths of a yard
and, till the rook-black night,
chop wood
with a shining axe…
to us
love
tells us, humming
that the stalled engine
of the heart
has started to work
again.”

- I’ve been collecting my favorite poetry and short stories in a folder labeled Inspiration since I was 21; years ago, I added this Vladimir Mayakovsky poem (“Comrade Kostrov”) to the collection (the oversized note card it was written on fell out of the folder earlier this week).

2011: My Year In Food

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 01:22:00 -0500

As an epilogue to 2011, I’ll be posting a series of year-end lists—because the Internet needs a few more—that includes my favorite discoveries and experiences of the past year.

I traveled quite a bit this past year, starting with Austin in January and concluding with Las Vegas in December. In between those two trips, I spent more time at boarding gates and in the air than with friends and family. In each city, one thing that I looked forward to was at least one good meal—it was the souvenir I took from each destination, along with a few Instragram photos.

Of all creative endeavors, food is the most sensual—whereas an image, song or film can evoke feelings intended by its artists, food allows individuals to hear¹, smell, touch and taste the art.

Reading Laura’ Esquivel’s Like Water for Chocolate taught me that cooking was about expressing your feelings through food, while Alfonse Arau’s film adaptation opened my eyes to the erotic possibilities of cooking (which I haven’t forgotten). Immediately after watching the film, I decided cooking would become my creative expression.

Over the past two decades, meals with friends and family account for most of my favorite memories. While I won’t always remember a friend’s birthday, I’ll remember the restaurant and meal. Here are my favorite meals and recipes of 2010…

Meal: Lamb Burger with Feta Cheese and Roasted Peppers, French Fries and a Kingdom Come @ The Breslin, Manhattan
During a business trip to New York in July, I desperately craved a cheeseburger after an exhausting day of work², so I wandered into the Breslin. I got a table upstairs—far from the maddening crowd—where I could enjoy (re)reading Haruki Murakami’s South of the Border, West of the Sun with dinner. The lamb burger was nice and smoky; the fries perfectly dry, crunchy and salty. The Kingdom Come cocktail (whiskey, orange essence, black tea syrup, lemon juice and egg white) was a little sour, but I didn’t care: after spending the 20 of the past 24 hours either working in or presenting from PowerPoint, it was nice to have a quiet, lazy dinner alone, with my mind in a book³.

Honorable Mention: Wagyu Beef Carpaccio @ Blue Ribbon Sushi, Las Vegas (if all beef had this much natural flavor, there would be no more vegetarians).

Cocktail: Pimm’s 74 @ RN74, San Francisco
Menu description: Housemade Pimm’s, Campari, Ginger Beer and Prosecco
While I spent most of the year fixated on cocktails that featured egg whites (often paired with pisco or bourbon), the Pimm’s 74 was the most memorable, due to its presentation—in an oversized wine glass, with fresh cut oranges, peaches and pears—and its crisp, fruit-forward taste with just enough ginger, herbs and bitters to tickle the tip of the tongue but not linger. Sexy, tart and confident… like my date that evening.

Honorable Mention: Bluebeard @ Thieves Tavern, Los Angeles (blueberries, bourbon, egg whites, lime and bitters).

Recipe: Marinated Buffalo Mozzarella and Tomatoes
I discovered Yotam Ottolengh’s Plenty in the fall and decided to prepare a dinner party inspired by his Mediterranean vegetarian palette. Of the three recipes I chose, the Marinated Buffalo Mozzarella had that wow factor; it’s prepared toasting fennel, then smashing it—along lemon zest, oil, basil, oregano and garlic—into the freshest buffalo mozzarella you can find. The cheese should be served at room temperature, along with a few tomatoes and pimento peppers for stuffing. The flavor is complex (the fennel, lemon and garlic compete for your taste buds) and simply delicious.

Honorable Mention: Martha’s Macaroni and Cheese, from smittenkitchen.com (I brought a tray to Thanksgiving dinner and everyone fought over the leftovers, continuing to talk about it weeks later. I’ve tried dozens of mac and cheese recipes and this one is the most simple and tastiest, by far. BTW, I used a cheddar levain bread and panko for the topping.)

(1) Hearing, in the sounds of food sizzling in a platter or the heavy chewing of the person sitting besides you.

(2) My work day featured a six-hour new business presentation, which I worked on until 6AM the morning prior. Now that I think about it, PowerPoint was the theme of quite a bit of my traveling.

(3) I suppose it’s ironic that I chose a dinner alone as my favorite meal, considering all the fuss I made about sharing meals with friends and family. But, it was just that nice to have a meal alone, at that time.

2011: My Year In Music.

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:03:00 -0500

As an epilogue to 2011, I’ll be posting a series of year-end lists—because the Internet needs a few more—that includes my favorite discoveries and experiences of the past year.

Favorite Album: Washed Out, “Within and Without”
As a teenager in the early 90’s, I grew up on modern rock¹. The Jesus and Mary Chain, Curve, James, My Bloody Valentine, The Cure, New Order and Catherine Wheel were the bands I followed religiously and relentlessly: I was attracted to their dark, atmospheric, complicated sounds that stood in stark opposition to my comfortable, candy-colored, suburban hometown². Over the past few years, the influence of the early 90’s modern rock scene has gone mainstream again, with bands such as Washed Out, Toro Y Moi, A Place To Bury Strangers, Tamaryn, True Widow and Cold Cave sampling³ their way through the decade.

Of all the early 90’s revivalists, Washed Out is my favorite, as Ernest Greene collects the most memorable sounds of the decade—synth beats, drum machines, reverberating guitars and vocal effects—arranging them into modern and hopeful compositions (a feeling often absent from modern rock). I love nostalgia and the way a song can transport us back in time; with Washed Out, it’s not a particular moment, rather a state of mind—a return to the optimism of youth and musical discovery that resonates (and shapes you) for a lifetime.

Honorable Mention: M83’s Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming, James Blake’s Self-Titled, Destroyer’s Kaputt (which might have been my favorite if I had a few more months to savor it.)

Favorite Live Show: Tamaryn, The Soft Moon and Black Ryder @ Cafe Du Nord (February 25)

In 24 Hour Party People, Tony Wilson (played by Steve Coogan) mentions that watching Joy Division perform for the first time was like experiencing the history of rock music unfold before his eyes⁴. In the past 20 years, I’ve been to hundreds of shows and the feeling that Tony describes has happened exactly twice—watching Interpol at Bottom of the Hill over a decade ago (2001), and now, witnessing Soft Moon last year. It’s not just a brilliant performance that makes these shows special… it’s the feeling that you’re witnessing something bigger than anyone in the room can imagine, and that you’ll be talking about the show decades later. While Interpol repackaged post-punk with a sexy, hipster decadence that made everyone in the crowd want to be in the band, the Soft Moon beat the eyeliner and skinny jeans off post-punk and stuffed it with dread, menace and lust—what Joy Division and the other Mancunian bands intended all along. Music often leaves listeners with a physical and emotional reaction, but rarely does it shake your spiritual core, and I was lucky enough to be the unexpected victim of Interpol and the Soft Moon.

Honorable Mention: FYFest in Los Angeles (fulfilling my dream of seeing Death From Above 1979 live); Sleigh Bells @ Williamsburg Hall of Music (say what you will about their bombastic, pre-recorded performance style, but Alexis Krause really knows how to win the crowd); Queens of the Stone Age @ Fox Theatre (as I got to enjoy the show backstage and hang out with the other tattooed, 30-something “band aids” afterward).

Favorite Song: Phantogram’s “16 Years”
The intersection of music and moment plays a significant role in our memory: one influences the way we recall the other and once a connection is made in our mind, they are inseparable. Whereas I would have chosen Tamaryn’s “Dawning” as my favorite song a few months ago, my discovery of Phantogram’s “16 Years” during a time when I sought musical companionship and writing inspiration made it the most important song of my year (see a previous post for additional words about the song).

Honorable Mention: Tamaryn’s “Dawning” (see earlier post), SBTRK’s “Right Thing To Do” (this is the true sound of dubstep), M83’s “Midnight City” (saxophone solos are back, in an epic way).

(1) Instead of using goth-rock, synth-pop, new wave and shoegaze to describe the different music genres listed, I’m going with “modern rock”, much like LIVE105, our local radio station, liked to label these bands.

(2) That, all the cute nerdy girls in high school were part of the goth crowd.

(3) Not necessarily sampling in a technical sense, but you know what I mean.

(4) I’m definitely paraphrasing here, but he did mention something to this effect.

Every year, I make a holiday mixtape for friends. It almost...

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 02:23:00 -0500

Every year, I make a holiday mixtape for friends. It almost didn’t happen this year.

The perfect mixtape isn’t a happy accident. It requires a lot of trial and error before it’s right.

I usually start thinking about it in the fall: a particular song will leave an impression due to its lyrics, melody or context¹. This song becomes the soul of the mixtape², on which the rest of the songs are attached.

In August, it was Washed Out’s “Eyes Be Closed”. Within and Without was my favorite (and most-played) album of the year and everyone loves chillwave.

In October, it was M83’s “Midnight City”. Then the Victoria’s Secret commercials ruined my idea (much like the Kindle robbed Bibio’s “Lover’s Carvings” from me in 2010).

I still didn’t have a song in early December. I briefly considered Thomas Geiger’s remix of Stella’s “Dreams” and Class Actress’ “Keep You”, but both failed to stick³.

I officially had mixtape block and it was less than two weeks before the holidays.

So, I stopped thinking about the mixtape and turned my attention to writing a holiday letter. I thought about the year and wrote down my favorite memories to use as inspiration (I traveled a lot in 2011, so I started with those moments). Suddenly, I had a new soul for the mixtape (James Blake’s “A Case of You”), and I spent a couple of days choosing, arranging, removing and listening to the songs until it sounded just right:

Under the Covers // December 2011

The Civil Wars, Dance Me to the End of Love
Birdy, 1901
Beck and Friends, Never Tear Us Apart
Kelly Dalton, I’m on Fire
James Blake, A Case of You (February; Phoenix)
Sarah Blasko, Don’t Dream It’s Over
The Morning Benders, Dreams (March; Austin)
Kaki King, Close to Me (June; Napa)
Holly Miranda, Hundreds of Sparrows
Nira Diana, Temptation (July; New York)
Bon Iver, I Can’t Make You Love Me / Nick of Time (October; San Francisco)
Memoryhouse, When You Sleep
Rogue Wave, Maps
The Bird and the Bee, One On One (September; San Diego)
The Cardigans, Carnival

It’s not quite what I expected, but I’m happy with the results. During an interview around the time Almost Famous was released, Cameron Crowe mentioned that he preferred making monthly mixtapes instead of writing in a journal, and I’m starting to see (and hear) his logic.

PS. I chose Birdy’s “1901” to include with the post because i can’t get enough of it, and you won’t either.

(1) a moment in the past year, usually involving a late evening drive or a girl, sometimes both.

(2) until I change my mind, which is often

(3) I struggle putting together up-tempo mixes, usually surrendering to ballads.

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 23:50:00 -0500

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”

- Ingrid Bergman, I can’t really argue with you. However, I wish your insight could resolve long-winded client conversations.

I haven’t been able to get enough of “16...

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 01:12:00 -0500

I haven’t been able to get enough of “16 Years”, a delicious new track from Phantogram’s Nightlife.

This month, I started writing again as I attempt to participate in National Novel Writing Month. While I haven’t kept up with the 1,600 daily word count, I’ve started the process of transferring my thoughts from mind to paper, which has left me in a nostalgic daze.

In “16 Years”, Sarah wonders if she’s falling in love again, prompting me to consider the last time I felt so inspired…

Early 2010, sitting in my car above Berkeley, staring out across the bay, recounting the lives that lead us to that moment.

Our courtship didn’t survive the summer, but that evening¹—its nervous excitement, reckless honesty and naive impulsiveness (during which we ended up at a karaoke room at 2AM)—is something I haven’t felt in a while, but something I’m hopeful to experience again.

(1) I don’t know how she felt in that very moment, but for romantics, love is often a lonely pursuit.

A couple of years ago, I added Ryan Adams’ Suicide...

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 02:56:00 -0400

A couple of years ago, I added Ryan Adams’ Suicide Handbook to my Top 10 Desert Island Albums list. I had listened to the album at least a hundred times and still wanted to hear it a hundred more.

The Suicide Handbook is an unofficial Ryan Adams release, two albums worth of demos recorded between Heartbreaker and Gold, featuring little more than an acoustic guitar (or two), harmonica and Ryan’s soothing voice. Early sketches of “La Cienega Just Smiled”, “Answering Bell” and “Touch Feel and Lose” play as sparse, soulful meditations of love lost and found.

“Firecracker” is my favorite song, its soaring harmonica matching Ryan’s moodswings as he thinks about his date. It’s a song that makes me wish I was a musician, so I could have my own “Firecracker” moment.

Last week, I had a chance to hear Ryan perform the song with an acoustic guitar and harmonica. Brilliant. I can finally cross something off my bucket list.

"The woman he met. He met a woman. This woman was the woman he met. She was not the woman he expected..."

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 20:18:19 -0400

“The woman he met. He met a woman. This woman was the woman he met. She was not the woman he expected to meet or planned to met or had carved into his head in full dress with a particular nose and eyes and lips and a very particular brain. No, this was a different woman, the one he met.”

- To whom do you listen when your heart and head are in conflict? An excerpt from Aimee Bender’s short story “The Meeting”, published in Willful Creatures.

I’ve listened to “Dawning” more than any song...

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 03:05:00 -0400

I’ve listened to “Dawning” more than any song this year: there’s just something so majestic about Tamaryn’s voice, Rex Jon Shelverton’s swirling, ringing guitar arrangement and the driving percussion…

“… you’re a vast sky, you’re a dead star, you’re a cruel sea…”

I’d like to think that growing up is about learning how to wear our emotional scars as beautiful tattoos… but instead of a tattoo, Tamaryn wrote a brilliant song.

“There is a Light” is one of those (immutable) songs...

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 02:22:00 -0400

“There is a Light” is one of those (immutable) songs that sounds good, no matter who’s performing it(*)… that even includes myself in a karaoke room. The Smiths version will be played at my wedding or funeral, whichever happens first. And everyone better be dancing.

(*) not to be read as a backhanded compliment to Schneider TM.

on starting over.

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 03:38:00 -0400

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to start over because it was what my heart told me to do.

So, I resigned from my job.

When I was younger, I didn’t know how to trust my heart. She wanted me to make impulsive decisions. I told her that I couldn’t be reckless.

(Years later, I realized there’s a difference between being impulsive and reckless.)

While age has made me wiser, he hasn’t left me cynical¹. I still believe the universe conspires for our happiness—we just have to be aware² of all the opportunities, individuals and inspiration she places in our paths.

Living a romantic life requires more than reading the right books, saying the right things and treating everyone with respect. It’s also about leading with the heart when she chooses to speak.

Today, I follow my heart with confidence. Age has taught me failure is just looking at a glass half-empty.

A couple of weeks ago, when my heart told me to take a professional risk, I obliged.

When she suggests I lean in and kiss the girl as my head tells me to walk away, I’ll listen again.

(1) This is perhaps, my life’s greatest achievement.

(2) it’s harder than you think.